Spare a thought for Wayne Rooney

Sirs-

Spare a thought for our friend ManUre forward Mr. Wayne Rooney.

Not only is Wayne suffering in the eclipse of fellow young starlet Ronaldo's blistering form (having apparently abandoned how own in a spectacularly frightening fashion), he also now appears to be suffering a new facial deformity of severe proportions.

Goodness knows how that ferret crawled onto Wayne's already grisled visage, but it now appears to be deceased and manifestly attatched in a most uncompromising manner.

Surely Wayne cannot be expected to maintain his otherwise usually indifferent form under such strenuous circumstances.

Regards,
Larph from Vancouver
(West Ham United).