dangly earrings lady
A late evening-ish stop off at the local Safeway's usually supported my habit for last-minute dinner purchases.
Having visited the frozen-foods section twice in as many minutes with no final decision, I instead settle and opt for the less palatable but more financially appealing option in the asian instant noodles section.
Considering my newfound momentary micro-financial muscle (okay, that's last of the alliteration, I promise), I change direction and head for the pastries section inconveniently located at the opposite end of the store.
I am joined in my browsing and perusal of the sickly sweet deep-fried breaded products more commonly referred to in Canada as "breakfast" by an atypical Canadian Housewife (my presumption) distinguishable in the fact that I can recollect no distinguishing features upon her except for the fact that she happened to be wearing really, really dangly earrings - the sort that you can imagine spent the previous generation hanging out in a dusty box somewhere in Value Village.
Or perhaps even living between the cushions of the second-hand couch that serves the staff in the back room at Value Village, and, if by stopping by long enough you would detect the confusing yet pronounced odour of ferrit pee on.
But, no matter, they were dangly.
My body language can barely contain it's indifference as together our eyes scan and evaluate five, six, seven perspex cases looking to locate a tasty apres-din-dins treaty-treat. (what am I on?!)
Finally, I make my decision and reach in to remove the little blighter: essentially a deep-fried croissant dipped in sugar.
"Ooo, they're good those are. Mmmmm, really good."
"Yeah."
"Yeah" is, of all the words in the English Language, the only confabulation that successfully escapes the clutches of my vocal chords.
Mostly I am surprised that dangly earrings lady had managed to penetrate my usually imperceptible late-night body language.
A short silence ensues in which I attempt to disguise the fact that I am a little panicked and really, I was not relaxed and therefore not ready to engage in friendly chitty-chat.
Dangly earrings lady reaches in.
"Don't eat too many of them." I blurt out.
Another short silence embarks.
There is no response from dangly earrings lady.
Aaahhhh, crrrraaaapppppp.
Having visited the frozen-foods section twice in as many minutes with no final decision, I instead settle and opt for the less palatable but more financially appealing option in the asian instant noodles section.
Considering my newfound momentary micro-financial muscle (okay, that's last of the alliteration, I promise), I change direction and head for the pastries section inconveniently located at the opposite end of the store.
I am joined in my browsing and perusal of the sickly sweet deep-fried breaded products more commonly referred to in Canada as "breakfast" by an atypical Canadian Housewife (my presumption) distinguishable in the fact that I can recollect no distinguishing features upon her except for the fact that she happened to be wearing really, really dangly earrings - the sort that you can imagine spent the previous generation hanging out in a dusty box somewhere in Value Village.
Or perhaps even living between the cushions of the second-hand couch that serves the staff in the back room at Value Village, and, if by stopping by long enough you would detect the confusing yet pronounced odour of ferrit pee on.
But, no matter, they were dangly.
My body language can barely contain it's indifference as together our eyes scan and evaluate five, six, seven perspex cases looking to locate a tasty apres-din-dins treaty-treat. (what am I on?!)
Finally, I make my decision and reach in to remove the little blighter: essentially a deep-fried croissant dipped in sugar.
"Ooo, they're good those are. Mmmmm, really good."
"Yeah."
"Yeah" is, of all the words in the English Language, the only confabulation that successfully escapes the clutches of my vocal chords.
Mostly I am surprised that dangly earrings lady had managed to penetrate my usually imperceptible late-night body language.
A short silence ensues in which I attempt to disguise the fact that I am a little panicked and really, I was not relaxed and therefore not ready to engage in friendly chitty-chat.
Dangly earrings lady reaches in.
"Don't eat too many of them." I blurt out.
Another short silence embarks.
There is no response from dangly earrings lady.
Aaahhhh, crrrraaaapppppp.
posted by Larph at 03:22
5 Comments:
Ralph, i think you have been single for too long. On another note, your useage (s/c?) of the "proper" English language is daunting and inspiring all at once.
By the way, i have been watching this amazing series of documentaries the BBc put together on the history of Britain. I think i know more about your country than you do.
Thanks, bro.
You probably do know more than me; I know very little of that stuff! Which means I should probably spend more time reading up...
What the hell was that?
It's 9:30pm which is usually prime reading time and apart from the fact that I'm sitting in my own filth (humidity is a bitch!) I'm of pretty sound mind. Having said that, i'm not so sure of my minds soundness after reading that...
Haha... LOL (Larph Out Loud).
Still, enjoy it whilst you can - isnt it an amazing city?!!
Happy to disturb you...
you are truly one of the best writers I've ever met (in real life!!!)
you should write a book...I'd read it and recommend it to all my friends, and nothing would make me laugh more than Oprah adding it to her book club.
now that thought amuses me.
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