outrageous claims
Every so often I am asked to provide a small bio of myself to accompany an article that I have written.
I have decided to standardise it, and thought it was worth posting here incase there was something you didn't know about me.
On occasion, I will casually digest the odd carton of freeze dried ferrit milk.
I once single handedly piggybacked Sir Ranulph Twistleton-Fiennes to the centre of the Arctic Circle.
The collapse of Communism in Eastern Europe has been attributed to my rythmic beatbox abilities. I have also been known to melt cheese from a distance with my jaunty walk.
Vicente Fox twice dropped my name at a recent International Free Trade Accord; two times I have refused lucrative advertising contracts for feminine hygiene products.
Laotian Cabinet Minister Panhkham Viphavanh maintains a tidy shrine in my honour by his bedside table.
Last tuesday I discovered the missing twenty seventh letter of the alphabet; thursday mornings I msn with Stephen Hawking in order to pick holes in his theory of relativity.
I am a raving extrovert in denial.
At 12 I brokered my first collective bargaining agreement; by 14 I was negotiating the release of Burmese political prisoners.
Last year I submitted an improved recipe for cornflakes to the Kellogs conglomerate - the CEO inquired into adopting me into his family; Magenta is my second to least favourite colour.
I have decided to standardise it, and thought it was worth posting here incase there was something you didn't know about me.
On occasion, I will casually digest the odd carton of freeze dried ferrit milk.
I once single handedly piggybacked Sir Ranulph Twistleton-Fiennes to the centre of the Arctic Circle.
The collapse of Communism in Eastern Europe has been attributed to my rythmic beatbox abilities. I have also been known to melt cheese from a distance with my jaunty walk.
Vicente Fox twice dropped my name at a recent International Free Trade Accord; two times I have refused lucrative advertising contracts for feminine hygiene products.
Laotian Cabinet Minister Panhkham Viphavanh maintains a tidy shrine in my honour by his bedside table.
Last tuesday I discovered the missing twenty seventh letter of the alphabet; thursday mornings I msn with Stephen Hawking in order to pick holes in his theory of relativity.
I am a raving extrovert in denial.
At 12 I brokered my first collective bargaining agreement; by 14 I was negotiating the release of Burmese political prisoners.
Last year I submitted an improved recipe for cornflakes to the Kellogs conglomerate - the CEO inquired into adopting me into his family; Magenta is my second to least favourite colour.
posted by Larph at 01:52
5 Comments:
are you saying those things weren't true?
no bro, it all happened.
I knew that was you in the backround in the area 51 pic
the 27th letter of the alphabet is æ
squishing vowels together doesn't count.
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